Friday, February 04, 2011

an epiphany of sorts

I've finally figured it out, all of the mixed emotions about the retirement and the move and the crazy dreams I've been having. This sudden realization of the feelings I've been having washed over me I was reading a passage in a book- what I'm feeling is very similar to a break up, not quite as bad as a divorce (I've held enough hands of girlfriends through those to know it's not that bad). But still it's this slow winding knot in the pit of my stomach, letting me know that things are not right, that something is about to change in a drastic way and there's nothing I can do about it to make it go away, there's nothing that I can say to make the pain go away- it's going to happen whether I'm ready for it or not.

The silver lining (once I'm finished with the pain stage) IS ... unlike in a divorce or a break up, we get to keep all of our friends. This has all been about us- that after over 22 years we're leaving the Air Force and that way of life, it's not as if we're leaving the planet and leaving everyone behind. WOW! All this and I've only had 1 cup of coffee.

My being able to write about this has made my burden not feel so heavy. Granted I still ache inside but the pain somehow is not as sharp as it once was. Will I cry at the retirement ceremony? Of course I will! Heck I cry at all retirement ceremonies why wouldn't I cry at the one that effects the person that I love, the one who means the most to me?

Now lets see how much I can do with this, my last month left here in England!
First stop...London's theater district and Phantom of the Opera! I'm taking my daughter to dinner and to see the play tonight- a mother daughter event!

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