Friday, January 07, 2011

I'm not angry- I'm frustrated

That's been my saying to myself ever since I arrived here in England. It's funny how somethings (meaning people and situations) have this tendency to be harder than they should be, at least in my book they do. I do my best to not harbour resentments nor have I ever wished anyone ill will. It's not easy being the wife of the deputy commander, not that it's bad it's just different is all. Sure there are times I look at people and think that they're nuts- just as people think that about me (of which I'm sure they do). I know that I have a voice and when I use it people do listen to me. I've never put on airs or made an issue about being the wife of... it's just that I want to be seen as me, myself and be recognized for my own merits.

I look at the crazy things that have gone on with this house since we've moved into it and try not to get angry. The real fault lays with construction company who cut corners when they did the remodel. The folks here are only trying to help correct the situation as best they can whenever something goes wrong- which is more frequent than I ever really write about.

I look at situations and relationships I've had with various people and wonder how I could have done things differently. I know for some I did the best that I could and always wishing that I could do more. As for others, I became so frustrated that I simply threw in the towel and walked away before I said anything that I would regret. Now that didn't stop the other person or persons from totally trashing me in front of others though. Even with all of that, I do think of myself as being the better person- and I don't regret the decision of walking away. I am a self proclaimed a romanticist. In my own way I wish that life was like Who-ville, the tall and the small all gathering around a table giving thanks for the people in their lives.

I have a dear friend who is currently going through the beginnings of a what could become an ugly divorce. The whole thing has me thinking a great deal about love, forgiveness, loyalty and the bonds of friendship. She's someone I truly respect and admire and it's breaking my heart that she's had such a rough time of it here in England.

For the most part, I've enjoyed living here in England but at the same time I'm also ready to go home. I'm ready to start the third part of my life. All I can really say is that it's been a nice ride but I'm also glad that it's coming to an end. Just the very thought of retirement seems like total bliss to me. It's not being in England that I didn't like, I love it here! It was dealing with those that are selfish and those that are self important that I didn't like.

So there it is, Sandie's thoughts out here on the internet for everyone to read and read into it what they will. As another of my dear friends would say to me "girlfriend, it is what it is".


Sharon said...

Oh Sandie every time I stumble back over here to read your blog I'm glad that I did! So sorry to hear that you're going through some tough times and happy to hear that you are keeping up the good attitude! Even though I'm far from perfect and still find it hard to turn the other cheek, when I adopted the "they own their feelings and I own mine" philosophy it took a little pain out of some of those tough situations. We'll never be able to change people, not really anyway, but we can own our own feelings/reactions/etc, wrap our arms around ourselves and accept that what people think about us doesn't really matter in the end as long as we love ourselves (which I know you do!) Oh, you've got to be kidding... know what my word verification word is for this post? "angrie"!!! How funny!

Sandie said...

Sharon- you are an Angel!

Sharon said...

Thank you Sandie. An Angel I am not, but having grown up an Army Brat, then being in the Army myself and NOW working for state government over 20 years gives me just a tinsy winsy bit of insight and understanding. You have some tough shoes to fill and it can't be easy, but is sounds like you're a survivor and know how to get the best out of life no matter what kind of situation you are in! Take care short-timer!