I'm not angry- I'm frustrated

That's been my saying to myself ever since I arrived here in England. It's funny how somethings (meaning people and situations) have this tendency to be harder than they should be, at least in my book they do. I do my best to not harbour resentments nor have I ever wished anyone ill will. It's not easy being the wife of the deputy commander, not that it's bad it's just different is all. Sure there are times I look at people and think that they're nuts- just as people think that about me (of which I'm sure they do). I know that I have a voice and when I use it people do listen to me. I've never put on airs or made an issue about being the wife of... it's just that I want to be seen as me, myself and be recognized for my own merits.

I look at the crazy things that have gone on with this house since we've moved into it and try not to get angry. The real fault lays with construction company who cut corners when they did the remodel. The folks here are only trying to help correct the situation as best they can whenever something goes wrong- which is more frequent than I ever really write about.

I look at situations and relationships I've had with various people and wonder how I could have done things differently. I know for some I did the best that I could and always wishing that I could do more. As for others, I became so frustrated that I simply threw in the towel and walked away before I said anything that I would regret. Now that didn't stop the other person or persons from totally trashing me in front of others though. Even with all of that, I do think of myself as being the better person- and I don't regret the decision of walking away. I am a self proclaimed a romanticist. In my own way I wish that life was like Who-ville, the tall and the small all gathering around a table giving thanks for the people in their lives.

I have a dear friend who is currently going through the beginnings of a what could become an ugly divorce. The whole thing has me thinking a great deal about love, forgiveness, loyalty and the bonds of friendship. She's someone I truly respect and admire and it's breaking my heart that she's had such a rough time of it here in England.

For the most part, I've enjoyed living here in England but at the same time I'm also ready to go home. I'm ready to start the third part of my life. All I can really say is that it's been a nice ride but I'm also glad that it's coming to an end. Just the very thought of retirement seems like total bliss to me. It's not being in England that I didn't like, I love it here! It was dealing with those that are selfish and those that are self important that I didn't like.

So there it is, Sandie's thoughts out here on the internet for everyone to read and read into it what they will. As another of my dear friends would say to me "girlfriend, it is what it is".