Suicide and a few other things...

Who here has had enough of celebrities in the news dieing, committing suicide or either attempting to commit suicide? I mean really? Myself, I am someone that has been personally affected by someone close to me killing himself. It's not the glamorous attention getting things that some might think it it. It comes from a deeply rooted and hopeless sense of depression from which they feel no escape. A friend who is a child psychologist told me a story about when he was first becoming a doctor that try as he might to help a young man who was a patient in the hospital where he was working was suffering from severe depression. This young man had tried to take his own life several times...but my doctor friend told me that he thought that together they were making great progress. Then suddenly out of the blue, the young man committed suicide. My friend was devastated. He thought that he had failed to help this young person...a person that had much to live for and so much to give to society. But in the end it was his mentor that let him know that sometimes they are unable to help someone...even the ones who needs help the most. That when you are so determined to take you own life no matter how much those around you love you and are there for you...you're going to do it anyway, no matter who it hurts.

My views on suicide- there is nothing I mean NOTHING in this world that is worth you killing yourself over, do you hear me NOTHING!!! Killing yourself is a selfish ignorant act that in the end hurts so many people but at the same time it leaves you out of the picture for taking any responsibility for what you did. It makes people think that they didn't do enough, they they were somehow to blame. But the truth of the matter is, the only loser is the one taking their own life.

I had a girlfriend named Jennifer...she was always threatening to commit suicide. It drove me crazy! I would get so mad at her every time she brought this up. When did she act stupid like this? Every time she had a boyfriend and every time she and her boyfriend would fight or when a boyfriend would break up with her. Come on! Boyfriends come and go and none of them are worth killing yourself over. I got married and moved from the west coast to the east coast (got to love the military) and Jennifer and I lost touch over the years. I have no idea what happened to her after her failed marriage. I sometimes think about her and wonder if she ever really would have killed herself over a failed relationship.

I remember finding out about an ex-boyfriend that had committed suicide. He was handsome, had everything that he could ever want but was also troubled at the same time. He killed himself a few years after we had broken up. I had found out through some mutual friends that he had gotten into drugs like cocaine and marijuana and was steroids to help him get pumped up (he was seriously into bodybuilding). In my eyes, this man led a very privileged life, had a wonderful family that adored him and he threw it all way.

My 3rd story of suicide is closer to home. I was 5½ years old when I had found my father dead in the bathroom in our small apartment. He had shot himself in the head. That's right, I was right outside the door when he did it, the first one on the scene. Was there a suicide note? Not to my knowledge. You see, I was a very bright child, I could read books (and not the look look books that common 4 years old read at the time) and write by age 4- I was what they called a "bright child" now days they would called it "gifted". At age 5, I taught my mother to read and write English. I remember having to write out the checks to pay for the rent and electricity because she couldn't do it. I look at my father as deadbeat who couldn't couldn't face life. He found it much easier to kill himself than to confront life and take situations head on. I'm 44 years old and I have never forgiven him for killing himself...killing himself while I was right outside the door. how can you do that to your own child?

So any time I hear of people like Britney Spears and other celebrities such as actors of comedians attempting to commit suicide I wonder if it's for attention. That is a desperate cry for help. It's heart breaking when you learn of an actors death, but when you learn that they took their own life? It makes me stop and think..."What in the world is so bad that you had to kill yourself over? I mean really?"

So anytime anyone around goes on and on about killing themselves it makes me angry, very very angry! So now you all see a little glimpse into what makes me who I am.